Lindsey's Graduation

(While it is difficult to use the logo of any university that is not a Razorback, I'm so proud of my daughter for her recent graduation from the University of Memphis, that to honor her, I've added their logo here.

I wrote this on Friday night, to be read at her graduation party on Saturday. While it never seemed the right time during the midst of the celebration, I did get to read it aloud to her while only a few people remained. )


Today, I’m 2 days shy of being 48 years old. Like many men at my age, I’ve looked back over the last 25+ years and wondered how in the world did I get here. I have to ask myself “Is this really where I thought I would be when I started out”? And if it were possible, what would I have done different? It seems like we should have at least one opportunity at a do-over. But we don’t. So we are left with memories of both good and bad. And if we are wise, we learn from the bad and take joy in the good. And while it may seem easy to reflect on those things we wish had turned out differently, it’s considerably more joyful to celebrate those things that have turned out wonderfully, in spite of our inadequacies and often blatant ignorance. Today is such a celebration.

So today we rejoice in my first born: Lindsey, our little guinea pig.

Lindsey Wild was born July 25, 1985. She was a joy from the very start. She could bring a smile to my face when nothing else could. I remember when she first walked. It was on her first birthday and she just stood up and walked across the room as if that was what one was supposed to do on your first birthday. Next thing we know she was ice skating and the delight of her instructors. She loved going to figure skating classes and could skate better than most I’m proud to say. She would be angry with me if I told you what it is, but she got her second nickname while in those ice skating class. She would probably disown me if I told you what the first one was.

Lindsey, during her middle and high school years was never a terribly organized student, but one who had a love for learning. Particularly when it came to subjects of the utmost value and that she could use throughout her entire life. Subjects that would take her to the far reaches of success and fortune. In fact there was one in particular that we all knew would propel her into riches and fame beyond anything we could have ever imagined for her: Greek Mythology. In fact, just last week she proved to me just how valuable her knowledge of Greek Gods is. She was able to provide the answer to 29 down on last Saturday’s New York Times Crossword Puzzle. We wouldn’t have finished it otherwise.

After high school, Lindsey left home for a year to train and travel with a Christian drama group. She was in Minneapolis MN for 6 months training with the ministry and working at Applebee’s. I’ll never forget the time I called her after she had been there for awhile and heard her say “Yaaah” and “doncha know?” I almost got in the car and drove to MN immediately to get her and bring her back to the south. Thankfully, it’s been purged out of her. One day, while driving around town with her, I made her listen to “Sweet Home Alabama” about 10 times straight just to get her to say “ya’ll” again.

And now, after years of hard work and the wailing and gnashing of teeth, Lindsey has completed all her undergraduate studies and graduated with honors with a degree in political science. (Is it only me, or does anyone else think it odd that you can get a degree that’s name is two words that should probably never go together.) I guess if you can get a degree named political science, you must be pretty smart. And that’s my Lindsey: Intelligent, diligent, and independent. But also compassionate, caring, and loving.

I have to admit, I don’t know how you have survived us. For all the time it seemed like we knew what we were talking about – not so much. We guessed a lot. And we hoped and prayed a lot. And it spite of all of our short comings, you have not only survived, but thrived. And while all of us who have had the opportunity to be in your life would love to take some credit for today, we can’t. For when the final tally is taken, we’ve had very little to do with anything. But when it comes right down to it, neither have you. For you know that the scriptures tell us that apart from Christ, we can do nothing. And for all the adulation and recognition you receive today, it palls in comparison to the riches there are to be found in knowing and serving Jesus. As a believer and follower of Christ, the only source of strength and confidence with which you can accomplish or attribute anything is Him and Him alone. The words of encouragement you heard today regarding success for now and in the future are only the words of men. They are weak and without power. You know where the words of life and power come from and what they say: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” And “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst”. And in Paul’s magnum opus, at the conclusion on his argument of justification by faith alone, Paul states at the end of Romans Chapter 8: “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus out Lord”.

So with these words from scripture, and many others in mind and heart, I charge you today: Be satisfied in God and God alone. And that no matter where you go in life from this day forward, if you live your life devoted with all confidence in the words of life spoken to us by God and to the understanding that He is sufficient in all things pertaining to life, and that filled with joy, you will know a fulfillment that makes everything this world will offer look filthy and void of any value. So I charge you further: pursue Him, call on Him, embrace Him, ENJOY Him. And know that for as much as all of us here today love you, it is nothing compared to the love He has for you. Before you were mine, you were His. You were in His heart before you were born. You belong to Him first. Therefore, make Him the object of all your affection. Live to make His glory your only thought by being fully satisfied in Him alone. And look forward to the day when you no longer desire the words of praise from any man, but desire only to hear: “Well done my good and faithful servant”.

Lindsey, I love you with all I have. Be blessed today in the company of all these who do as well. Celebrate this day as a passing of time of hard work and learning. But most of all celebrate Him today and every day and the knowing that you are the child of the One who loves you for everlasting.

The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

BACK HOME

It's been a year and a week since I left Memphis and my family behind to not only take a new job in Dallas TX, but in hopes of finding a new home and bringing the family along as well in the future. We thought we would be well entrenched in Texas by now and getting ready to spend our first Christmas there. But as will happen many times in all of our lives, things have not gone as we planned and eventually hoped.

As of Nov. 30th, I am now "permanently" back in Memphis. Due to further economic hard times, I was released from my position at Rampart Construction. So over Thanksgiving weekend, Laurie and I drove to Dallas to get all I had taken with me and brought me back home. It was somewhat bittersweet for us as we had grown fond of Texas and looked forward to making it our home. But now that I’m back, I have found that I’m so glad to be here with her and the kids, that I don’t really miss it. Home is not a place on the map. It’s where your loved ones are.

It has been a tough time, with many trials, questions, uncertainties, and longings. During this time, Laurie has run the gamut of emotions and desires, from dreading the move because it would take us away from immediate and extended family to growing excited about starting a new adventure in a new place. But she has been so good to me through it all. I have not the time or energy to write of all the things she has endured this last year without me bodily with her. Her strength has shone brightly. I am a blessed man because of her.

So now I find myself in an unfortunately familiar position: unemployed. Since I’ve been back, I have had an interview for a new job here in Memphis that quite honestly I hope works out. From all that I have ever heard about this company, it’s a great place to work and grow. But as will happen with many companies, they do not completely share my sense of urgency. I found out today that I will not be able to have a second interview until after the New Year holidays. So I will continue to look for work and hope that if this job does not work out, that I’ll find another. The one thing I am most sure of is that God is Sovereign and He will guide us through this time. His plans are sure and never thwarted. We find ourselves with another opportunity to trust in His magnificence and to be a demonstration of how He is glorified in us when we trust and are satisfied in Him. He is good beyond compare.

Please pray for my family as we walk this trail, that we would glorify God in all we do, delight in Him and His presence, and come to a greater knowledge of just how sufficient He really is.

Discipline

It’s been quite a while since I have written. I don’t exactly know why other than it takes effort and energy that I haven’t wanted to spend. I find myself to be lazy when it comes to certain mental exercises. I think of writing often, and snippets of subjects come to mind on many occasions. But I get lost in procrastination and the thoughts are gone in a very short time.

I’m trying to become more disciplined in many things, particularly in the realm of my walk with Christ and in the areas of my mind. But I find that the more fervent my attempts are the more futile they become. More and more, and day after day, I am faced with the realization that any attempt at the transformation of my mind is a work that I am not cut out for. My "humanness" seems so very inadequate for the task. I am seeing that for me to have the “mind of Christ” is something I cannot accomplish even in the slightest way. I seems it must be totally a work of the Spirit.

Recently I heard John Piper state, in a very strong manner, that the enemy (devil) has a strangle hold on this world. Have you ever heard a truth so many times, and in so many ways, that after a while you claim to know it, but found out that it really hasn’t impacted your life? For some reason, (of which I can only believe is God’s sovereign providence), his statement seemed to jolt me as never before. It was as if I heard it for the very first time. And now, I’m beginning to see this truth afresh.

The enemy has worked well in keeping me from understanding the role he plays. Everywhere I look, there are reasons and circumstances that keep me from doing the very things I desire to do. I don’t often see them as the forces they are and therefore, out of my ignorance, I don’t even attempt to battle them. I can be so completely blind at times.

But what about the times when I have had some inkling of the enemy’s strategies and attacks, and still did nothing? What can be said of that? I can only conclude that at those times I don’t fight because of one thing. I know how feeble my fight would be. I know the state of my faith. It’s weak and shallow. My sense is that I will be defeated completely.

Over the years I have heard so many sermons, and so much teaching on fighting the devil. Today, I believe that a lot of the teaching I heard was incorrect and at times detrimental. But some was good, though I can’t always say that the teacher’s motives were for the benefit of the church’s health more than it was for the teachers own exaltation. So now I feel ill equipped. Have you ever been in a position where you weren’t sure what to believe any more? I find myself in that position a lot. But I do know this: the devil is more real than we often give him credit for. As Piper went on to say, the devil is a million times stronger than we are and if we attempt to fight him on our own, we will be soundly defeated every time. Only by the work of Christ in us will the enemy be defeated in our lives. It must be nothing of us, and everything of Him.

That’s not to say that I have never experienced a victory or two. There have been small skirmishes that I have won. Or at least at the moment I thought I won. You see, anyone can muster up within themselves enough temporary strength to win occasionally. But in the long run, there are infinitely more defeats. Why? I think it’s because the enemy will allow us a few victories so as to continue to think we are still in the fight and that there really is something to our faith. So we continue to believe we are fighting with weapons that work not realizing that we have brought a pocket knife to a nuclear war. These “victories” are won in our own strength and by our own methods. Not God’s.

We have been told that we must do certain things (works) to keep the enemy at bay. Much of what we have heard preached and what we have read tells us the steps we need to take to live a successful Christian life. Like: 5 Steps to Christian Living; 7 Steps to a Victorious Life; 4 Ways to Defeat the Devil. We have been taught a very pragmatic type of faith that is always looking for ways to stay in the battle. If we can just find the “secrets for successful faith” then we will be victorious. We think we are supposed to live a successful life but all the time being blind to the defeat we actually walk in. Our understanding of success is based on a worldly concept perpetuated on us by the enemy and false teaching. I believe this has kept us from even coming close to understanding what Jesus is really after. In no way am I stating that now my understanding is full and clear. By no means! But I have seen how our feeble attempt to be “successful” Christians has made us fall so very short of what Christ calls us to. Often I wonder if we understand salvation at all.

Beyond the devil’s working against us, I am also becoming more cognoscente of how my own flesh fights against the disciplines I desire. Countless times when I am prompted to take time to read and study the Word, my mind will almost automatically begin to look for reasons to do something else. It’s amazing how quickly this happens. In the matter of an instant, my mind will suggest any number of other activities that it would prefer I do, Even things that may not be attractive at any other moment. The Holy Spirit can prompt me to read the Word, or spend time in prayer, and suddenly my mind suggests that I vacuum the carpet instead. Now I have sat around all day long (on a weekend) and didn’t think about vacuuming, or cleaning the toilet, or washing the dishes, or taking a nap, or running an errand, or whatever else comes to mind. But suddenly it seems like the right time to do it. And my mind will tell me that I’m being disciplined because I’m doing something that needs to be done. The activity seems good… and it is. It’s always a good idea to keep the house (apartment) clean. And now seems like the perfect time to do so. So my mind is telling me that I’ll be doing a good thing. But I’m actually trading the most profitable thing I could do regarding my soul for a much lesser “good” thing. I think we all do this a lot.

Our sinful flesh is at times completely opposed to the things of God. Even those of us who have been justified by God’s sovereign grace continue to fight a battle against a sinful nature that seems unrelenting in its opposition to knowing and following Christ. I wish it were not so. At times my spirit hates my flesh and my flesh hates my spirit. I feel this almost constant inward struggle for my being. The question of my soul is answered. I am His. But my flesh doesn’t like the idea of not being in control. My spirit longs for intimacy with Christ and the joy of being under his authority in all things. Yet my flesh continues to strive for its own exaltation. It wants control and recognition. It wants the glory of owning my destiny. But my spirit knows that the only joy that will satisfy my soul is in glorifying God and his son Jesus. So how do I win? How do I allow my spirit to know the joy it desires and bring my flesh into submission to God?

I believe it’s a matter of counting myself as dead to the things of this world, including my flesh and its sinful nature. Paul says in Romans 6:11 So, you too consider yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus and Galatians 2:19,20 …I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me… and Galatians 5:24, 25 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with is passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. The sinful nature that resides in me must be counted as dead. For my spirit to be joined and operating with the Holy Spirit, this must happen. There is no role for my flesh to play. It must be considered dead so that the law of the Spirit can reign in my body. Romans 8:1-13 states this as clearly as anything I read in the Bible. To this day, and after 30 years since my conversion to Christ, Romans 8, to me, is the most powerful text in scripture. By that I mean that it has ministered to me more that any other I can think of. I go back to it continually. And now I’m back here again.

So this is my prayer: That my soul will find joy in discipline. That I would be aware of the devils schemes to keep me living a mediocre, defeated, and fruitless Christian life. That the mind-set of my flesh will die and that I would be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) so that I would know the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord (Phil 3:8).

It’s now 12:30am. I had no idea it was this late. More later.

I Miss Her

I miss her

I have never had to be away from my wife for a prolonged period to time before. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have thought it would be as hard as it is. I guess I just never thought about it, but it’s just plain hard. We talk every day by phone and often get to see each other by way of webcam. But it’s not even close to what I want. I want to be with her. I so enjoy sitting on our couch and watching a movie with her. It’s kind of weird to me that we can just sit and not talk, but enjoy each others presence. Of course she is the talkative one, and often I just listen and would often just rather be quiet. When we just quietly sit together and snuggle under a blanket - that I really enjoy. I just want to be near her and feel her presence.

Many times over the last 2+ months, I have been provoked to consider our relationship. There are so many things that have reminded me of how I could do better. The way I listen to her. The way I talk to her. The attitude I have about doing things for her. The manner that I show her how much I appreciate what she does for me. The way I show her how much I lover her. Being separated from her has truly made me love and understand her more than ever.

I love the way she makes me laugh. She tries so hard at times and I haven’t always understood what she was trying to do. Now when I see her, I can’t wait until she does something just to tickle me. This is one way I know she loves me.

When I think back on some of the hard times we have walked through together, and how I haven’t always been what she needed, I’m amazed that she hasn’t told me to get lost. But she never has. She knows me better than I know myself at times. She sees something in me that I don’t see. A potential to be what God has called me to be. She has never given up on me and sometimes I have no idea why. I don’t deserve this.

Babe, I don’t know of a proper way to convey how much I love you. The only way I know is to say it and hope you believe it with the depth in which I mean it.

I Love You !!