I Miss Her

I miss her

I have never had to be away from my wife for a prolonged period to time before. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have thought it would be as hard as it is. I guess I just never thought about it, but it’s just plain hard. We talk every day by phone and often get to see each other by way of webcam. But it’s not even close to what I want. I want to be with her. I so enjoy sitting on our couch and watching a movie with her. It’s kind of weird to me that we can just sit and not talk, but enjoy each others presence. Of course she is the talkative one, and often I just listen and would often just rather be quiet. When we just quietly sit together and snuggle under a blanket - that I really enjoy. I just want to be near her and feel her presence.

Many times over the last 2+ months, I have been provoked to consider our relationship. There are so many things that have reminded me of how I could do better. The way I listen to her. The way I talk to her. The attitude I have about doing things for her. The manner that I show her how much I appreciate what she does for me. The way I show her how much I lover her. Being separated from her has truly made me love and understand her more than ever.

I love the way she makes me laugh. She tries so hard at times and I haven’t always understood what she was trying to do. Now when I see her, I can’t wait until she does something just to tickle me. This is one way I know she loves me.

When I think back on some of the hard times we have walked through together, and how I haven’t always been what she needed, I’m amazed that she hasn’t told me to get lost. But she never has. She knows me better than I know myself at times. She sees something in me that I don’t see. A potential to be what God has called me to be. She has never given up on me and sometimes I have no idea why. I don’t deserve this.

Babe, I don’t know of a proper way to convey how much I love you. The only way I know is to say it and hope you believe it with the depth in which I mean it.

I Love You !!

Shirt Shopping

My wife said she missed my writing…so here goes.

I haven’t had as easy access to a computer as before. Of course I’ve got my laptop at work, but don’t have internet service at my new apartment. We decided that another $25 a month just wasn’t a needed expense right now. So if I don’t stay late and take the time to create a post, then it just doesn’t get done. As you can tell, I haven’t been staying after hours to do any writing.

Actually this is Saturday and I’ve come into the office to research some areas and real estate in the DFW area. There sure is a lot to choose from. I’ve found my cousins address who lives in Fort Worth. It’s along way from where I’m at. I’m going to try to contact him when I get back from Christmas vacation.

I cannot express how much I miss my family, particularly Laurie. I guess one can really take their spouse for granted more than I thought. I don’t think you can understand how much you need your partner until you have to stay away from them for awhile. But I guess that’s good in a way. I sure do appreciate her more. She has the hard part in all of this. She gets to stay behind and take care of the family and house while I go off on a new adventure. Doesn’t seem quite fair. I am so thankful for her. I’m truly blessed.

I haven’t had a chance to “try out” any new churches yet, but I’m going to visit one this weekend. Several friends back in Memphis recommended a church call “The Village” to me. Kind of a different name.

“Trying out” a church. That just sounds weird to me. It’s kind of like “trying on” a part of the body of Christ. The implications seem a little out of place. It’s as if I’m going to try to find a new shirt. If I were looking for a new shirt, what would I ask myself? Does it fit well? Does it look good on me? Do the colors work well? Will it go with my pants? I like button down collars and this one has non-buttoned collars. How will I fell with non-buttoned collars? It has a square tail, implying it’s made to be worn outside the pants. I usually like to tuck my tail. My shirt tail that is. This shirt could really change my whole appearance. It might look like I’m trying to appear younger by wearing a shirt like this. Am I going through a mid-life crisis? I’ve seen guys wearing shirts like this unbuttoned altogether. That is with a colored tee underneath. A white tee would just look lazy. You think I could wear this unbuttoned? I think maybe I’m asking too many crazy questions again.

You know, used to, when you went to buy a new shirt, you would go to a department store and there would always be a lady to help you pick it out. It was usually a good looking young girl that wanted to work in the Men’s Department to meet good looking young guys. It was a little intimidating for me, but I always mustered up enough courage to ask their opinion. Amazingly that as far as I ever got cause they never seemed interested in anything else other than making the sale with me. Does that mean I wasn’t good looking enough? sigh Now I go to Wal-Mart or Target, and I’m entirely on my own. No wonder I feel a little insecure about this.

The problem with asking all these questions is that they are all focused on me and my insecurities. I think sometimes we may be shopping for churches that way as well. Maybe the question should be, “how do I fit in at this church.” But I’m not sure that question won’t take you to the same place. Anyway, I’m looking for a new church. And I don’t want my decision to be solely based on me and my needs. (When I say “me”, I really mean me and my family.) My individual needs should probably take a back seat to how can I help fill the needs and mission of a church. That’s what I want to be asking. Pray for me that I can do that.

New Apartment

I got my new apartment today. I'll be moving in this weekend. It's a small one bedroom on the second level with a detached garage. It's only about 3 minutes from the office with a shopping center next door. Couldn't get any better. Well if there was a lake full of fish right next to my unit I guess it would be better. That may asking a little too much.

So far the new job has been great. The office has a very laid back feel to it and the people are very nice and helpful. I think this is going to be a great experience.

I found out today that I'll be coming home for Christmas on the 23rd and staying through Jan. 4th. I'm really looking forward to being home for the holidays.

I'm in Dallas

I arrived in Dallas this afternoon. It took right at 8 hours to drive from Memphis. The drive through Arkansas was full of cloudy skies and a little rain. Within 60 seconds of crossing the Texas state line the sun came out and the skies cleared. Must be a sign.

The drive was relatively uneventful. I listened to a couple of podcast sermons delivered by Matthew Watson and Gib. Matthew's sermon has spoken to me ever since I first heard it live back in June. It was good to hear it again. Gib has to be one of my favorite teachers. I'm really going to miss him. I'm thankful for technology and the ability to download the podcast of his future messages.

Leaving this morning was a little difficult. Leaving my family back in Memphis while I start a new adventure in Dallas is hard. I want them here with me. I hope the next 6 months go by very quickly.

I'm looking forward to starting my new job in the morning. It will be nice just to be back working. I haven't been out of work as long as some of my friends that were laid off at the same time I was. I sure hope they find something soon. Being out of work can be discouraging. Anyway, working again will feel good. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the beginning of a great experience at Rampart Construction.

Yearly Family Photos

( click on title )
We took these photos this past Sunday to choose our yearly family picture to be sent out at Christmas. Laurie and I are always amazed that we can get all the kids together at one time to do this. Thankfully, everyone smiled. I thinks it's because all the kids are scared of "Amber - The Photographer". When she says "smile" you better do it.

It's Official

After much prayer, discussion, and consideration, Laurie and I have decided that we are making the move to Dallas. I have “officially” accepted the position with Rampart Construction Company in Grapevine TX. It’s a great company with good people. I’m excited about my new position and the opportunities I’ll have there.

This has been a very difficult decision for us. The prospect of picking up from Memphis and relocating anywhere has never really presented itself before. We’ve talked about the idea, but it was always with the notion that it would be several years away. We are leaving such a wonderful network of friends in Memphis. Friends that have been like family to us as much as most of our natural families. I have lived in Memphis for over 24 years and Laurie has essentially been here all her life. We have a lot of memories here that we will cherish all of our lives.

But now it seems it’s time for something new. We believe that God has an exciting future for us and that this move is only a part of what is in store. We know that the next few months will be difficult in some ways but that God will not only walk through it with us, but that we will come through with a more intimate knowledge and relationship with Him. That is our heart’s cry. No matter what the future holds, that we only know him more intimately than before.

More later……

Sarcasm

Sarcasm:
1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain
2 a: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b: the use or language of sarcasm

Just recently I wrote a comment on a friends’ blog that was laced with sarcasm. I thought it would be obvious to the reader that I was not being literal in my words, but was trying to provoke some thought through the use of sarcasm. I was in a good mood, full of my own mental wit, and responding to someone’s conviction that I had to think through before I could decide whether I disagreed or not. What I wrote was not as much thought provoking as it was hurtful. That wasn’t my intention, but it hurt my friend just the same.

I love my friend and have an enormous amount of respect for him as a person and the way he desires to walk with Jesus in honesty and truth. We haven’t known each other long, and to be very honest, we are really just now beginning to get to know each other on a level higher than good acquaintances. And this may be part of the reason that my words were misunderstood. However, that’s not his fault. When I reread my text, I realized that it would be very easy to construe them as attacking and “designed to cut or give pain”. I wasn’t careful in my words.

There was no mandate to respond to his post. He was just stating a conviction that he felt was pertinent to the context of the times. It was somewhat controversial and maybe a little unorthodox, but by no means subversive or heretical. I’m not yet sure whether I agree with him or not, but that’s not the point. My own arrogance and pride felt compelled to respond. I didn’t necessarily disagree with his conviction, but it provoked some thoughts in me about how hypocritical we can be as Christians at times. We say or confess one thing and often do another. We talk about how we want to live, as if we really do, and then are often confronted with the fact that we are not who we say we are. Our spiritual lives are not as lofty as we would like. So with my wit in hand, small as it is, I tried to convey my thoughts it a way that would make us look at what we do in the context of who we wish we were.

Now I have to look at what I wrote, and the manner in which I did so, in the same context. My motives were not necessarily edifying. I was not considering my audience from a Christ-like perspective. I was being selfish and prideful. I was thinking “I’ll be edgy or sarcastic in an effort to provoke a reaction”. My pride was in complete control. It’s funny how I even mentioned concepts like arrogance and being provocative in my text and didn’t realize I was as full of both as much, or more so, as those I was accusing. My own hypocrisy was in full-tilt.

I think subconsciously I choose to use sarcasm because I was somewhat intimidated by the writing of several other people who commented to the original post. In my mind, it was obvious that they were much more intelligent than myself and considerably better writers. (My insecurity is showing). In some way I was trying to show my worthiness to be part of the conversation. I don’t think I succeeded. Remember the old adage: Better to remain silent and appear foolish than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Yeah, well……

I’ve apologized to my friend and we’re OK. But it was just a path that was not necessary to travel. Seems like we all walk down a lot of those paths. I’ve been down my share and am probably still trekking through some I don’t even realize I’m on yet. I just hope I can recognize it when I get to the end.

Sarcasm by definition is designed to be cutting and hurtful. Often, we use it under the guise of humor and friendly banter. I’m not sure it would be correct to say that it should be abandoned all together, but surely it should be used with the utmost care and consideration.

Boy Scouts are taught that a dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp one. This is because a dull edge requires more force to use and often takes several attempts to complete its task. This may not be a good analogy, but to me sarcasm can be like that dull knife. It requires a certain amount of force and effort that may not be required with rightly worded verse. The additional force needed to make a dull knife work will often make the edge slip and cut something else entirely. Like soft flesh. Same with sarcasm. Maybe it’s better to take the time to sharpen the edge of our words so that the knife of the text does it job cleanly.

Decision to Make

Well, I got a job offer today. It came from the company in Dallas that I've been talking to for the last couple of weeks. It's a good offer and I think we may take it. I won't give my decision until the end of the week, but we're quickly getting used to the idea. This is a little scary for us...I've been in Memphis for over 24 years and Laurie for all her life.

I saw some very close friends of ours at Wal-Mart this afternoon. We've known this couple for a long time and are as close to them as anyone else we know. I told them what was going on and that the offer was a good one. It looked like she was going to break down and cry right there in the parking lot. If she had I don't think I would have been able to handle it. What good friends we have here. We have been so blessed. If we make this move, leaving our friends will be very hard.

Out of Work

I am officially out of work. As of last Friday, I am no longer employed by LRK. They actually laid-off about 40 people around the first of October, but allowed me to stay on for a few weeks to help wrap a few items and give me an opportunity to find another job before I had to leave. LRK has always been a great place to work and continues to hold a special place in my heart and life. From top to bottom, the people there are gracious and hard working. They are passionate about what they do, and have a sense of excellence about whatever they are involved in. I will truly miss it.

Now it’s time to move on. Just wish I knew to where. I want to stay in the construction industry and would even like to get some experience with a general contractor. I haven’t had a lot of success looking in the local Memphis area and have begun to expand my search elsewhere. I have what appears to be a good prospect in Dallas. I have interviewed with them once, but haven’t heard back from them yet. The position really suites me, and except for having to be away from Laurie and the kids for an extended period of time, it seems perfect. I hope to hear back from them soon.

In an effort to be transparent, I have to say that my faith has been somewhat shaken by this. Not in a way that would cause me to doubt who I am in Christ, but it has been discouraging. This is about the 5th of 6th time this has happened to me in my 24 years in the construction industry. I’ve always said that if you work in construction, getting laid-off is a part of life. Every other time this has happened, I have not wavered in my faith that God would provide something quickly and that any new job would be at the least a lateral move. The last two moves have actually provided increases in my salary. But I have not been as confident this time. Maybe the plight of the economy has me discouraged. Or the fact that I have had so few real prospects to consider this time. But the thing that I must remember is that God has never, and will never leave me or forsake me. His plan for my life is still unfolding and is on-course. He loves His children so much! I want His best for me and my family.

But right now, I would like just a little direction.

Grandpa's Shop

Written on March 15, 2007:

My grandfather passed away earlier this week. His passing has brought a lot of thoughts and emotions to the surface. I have many good memories of Grandpa from my early years – mostly from about 6 to 12 years old. The 6 years when a boys character begins to be formed in definite ways and it easily influenced by other men who they hold in esteem. For the times we got to see him I can’t say I have one bad memory.

We lived bout 200 miles away and went to their house 2 or 3 times a year as I remember. It’s funny how I seem to remember being there a lot during that period of time, but when I think about how quickly 6 years go by, I’m not really sure how often we went to see them. But when we were there, life was great. Even if the weather was bad and we had to stay in the house all day, it was a great place to be for a young man.

At my grandparents house there were woods, a creek, an old bridge that probably wasn’t all that old, and a shop behind the house where he worked on who knows what. I loved that shop. It seemed like anything could have been built or repaired in there. There were hand tools, power tools and benches, cans and bottles with nails and screws, different species and lengths of wood, lawn tools, gasoline cans, oil cans, and any number of other items that I didn’t have a clue what they were. But they were wonderful, because they belonged to him and he knew what to do with each. When we were there he spent time with us, so I never really saw him working on anything in the shop. But I imagined that he was building something wonderful for Grandma or some neighbor. For all I know, he never build anything in there. Maybe to him it was nothing more than a storage shed, but to me it was a haven made for men.

My brothers and I would fight over who was going to sleep out in the shed with Grandpa on our visits. Mom made us take turns, so between the 3 of us there was always someone left out of getting to sleep in the shop on our two night trips. I remember that David was young enough for awhile that he was a little too scared to sleep out there, so there may have been several trips when Robbie and I got to sleep out there on every trip. Grandpa would have a cot set up with a sleeping bag already laid out when we got there. It was an old army type cot with a wood frame and canvas stretched across it. The sleeping bags were big and the kind with flannel lining on the inside. They were a little too hot in the summer time, so we would sleep on top of them. But in the winter they were perfectly cozy. He had rigged up some string over hooks to the light switch so that we could both get in our bags and turn out the lights without getting back up. I remember that Robbie was really impressed with this and had talked Mom into letting him rig up something similar in our room back home. He would have a camping heater in there as well during the winter. The heater would add a new aroma to the shop. The smells of woods, oils, fuels, and the heater was perfect. Except for my wife’s perfume, the smell of my kids and the aroma of the forest, the smell of a shop is the best thing there is. When a man smells the odor of a well used and not too clean shop, he knows he is where he belongs. You can put a group of men in any setting and listen to them converse and then transport them to a shop of almost any kind and the conversation and tone will change. There’s comfort, comradery, friendly competition, and just a little needling (maybe a lot) that only men can understand and truly appreciate there. I got my first taste of that in my grandfather’s shop. I’ll never forget it. I loved that shop.